back home...

Well, I am finally settled back into delhi after a rather tense and hectic week. Both my counsellors left, had to hire two new ones with no one to train em. One of the new ones got so intimidated by the work that she said she wants to leave. Luckily she hasn't left yet. Didn't have any money to pay salaries or rent, finally got cash from dad to pay ‘em. Now I have vowed to start saving so that I am prepared for a bad month. This living on the edge business is no longer as much fun as it used to be. I want stability now. Am I getting old? I'm even looking at finding someone to invest in my business, and become a sleeping partner, primarily so that I get some stability and I can grow peacefully. Wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

In fact even my desire to marry is cos I want stability and peace. I want stable regular sex and companionship. I wonder if that is the right reason to marry. I told my dad to start looking for a girl for me. He in his wisdom suggested I settle my business first and become financially secure before thinking of marriage, which I think is a good piece of advice. You know, any woman I meet, I start picturing her as my wife. My American cousin came down here with an American friend – a blonde from Texas, and we spent some time together and bonded over dinner and ganja, and yesterday I found myself thinking of her as my future wife, that how would she cope living in India, and would she be a good wife, and how I would make her learn good hindi, and how the heads would turn everywhere we went…. Crazy shit! I gotta get a grip on this desperation.