Learning by Crisis

Every year like clockwork my business goes through a period of crisis and I emerge from it a changed man, and hopefully wiser and stronger than before, though sometimes I think I also emerge more jaded and cynical from it. The first year my business had a crisis, I ended up selling my bike and switching to a cycle. A bullet was too expensive to run, and I needed the cash for paying rent and salaries. So bad was my cash situation that I was on the verge of closure. I did not have money to pay salaries and rent. So my kind and sweet little brother who was working in an MNC with a decent salary at that time decided to buy it from me (at a much higher than market price). That was a life changing decesion for me, and it made me a slim 30" waist atheletic man from an obese 40" wiast fatso. Maybe what I learned from that episode was the importance of being lean and self sufficient. I learnt to manage very well with just a cycle as my means of transport.

Then the second crisis hit a year later and I learned how wasteful I was being and how I was being overly idealistic in my expenses. I was spending money on a guard (for safety of my employees) an office boy (for cleaning etc.) and was paying a very high rent for a spacious office. I was so badly hit by those expenses that I thought I was going to have to shut shop. I was overdue in my payment by more than 2 months, but luckily for me my core employees stood by me and supported me and encouraged me and I came out of it wiser about controlling costs and having learned the value of frugality. 

The third crisis is hitting me currently. I am two months overdue on salaries and am not able to see any way out of it. I am again thinking that I am on the verge of closure, or maybe changing my business model to shut down our retail centre which is sucking in a lot of money. I don't know how I will emerge out of this crisis. I do hope for the best, but at the same time I am constantly worried. Am not able to relax. Have all but stopped watching movies, have cut back on all leisure activities that require me to spend money. Have stopped coming home in the afternoon for a leisurly lunch and an afternoon nap. I instead work through lunch and take a nap in the office itself. I am worried, but I now as I write down my past experiences, I also feel a calmer. I've survived similar crisis before, I'll survive this one too. And hopefully will come out of it wiser.

But will I come out of it older? with more of my innocence lost? With some more cycnisism in me? With less of my youthfulness? I do feel significantly older since this crisis started. I feel like I've aged 5 years in just 5 weeks. I've not been able to exercise as much as I would like to because I am spending all my spare time on work. Maybe that is also making me feel less youthful. But I do hope that these crisis' change me for the better and not for the worse.