beauty

Every dance is meant to be performed to an audience, every peice of writing is meant to be read by somebody. Possibily what I am searching for is the reader for my works, the one who listens to my stories and reads my ideas and more importantly hears the unspoken.

There is so much beauty in this world. Everytime I cycle past the road to my house, I am reminded of the natural beauty this world contains, and also the marvells of human ingenuity. every good movie I watch makes me feel glad to be alive and to have the faculties to be able to watch and appreciate that movie. Every good book I read makes me thankful to God for giving me the chance to read that book. There have been extraordinary moments of realization in my life,when I have been just stunned by the beauty of the moment and have totally forgotten everything else and just immmersed myself in the moment. I recall a moment in the winter cycling down to my home in the warm winter sun with some pink floyd playing in my headphones. I don't know why, but that moment has stayed with me, it was just such a trance like moment. I used to have a lot more of these types of moments. I used to be a lot more introspective. I used to read a lot more books. I have almost stopped reading these days. Just this friday I picked up a book after almost 6 months, and that too because my newspaper supply had been stopped and I didn't have anything intersting to read.

In my quest for business success I have had to leave behind the simpler pleasures of day to day life. But is this bad thing? The reason why I am so driven towards business success is because I was missing a woman during those moments of day to day pleasures to share my pleasures with. And the search for a woman brought me to this point where I realised that business success is paramount for marrying and settlying down. I just hope that by the time I get business success, I do not forget these small pleasures and forgot who I was.

coming home

There's a beautiful don McLean song called crying which has the lines "I thought that I was over you, but its true, oh so trueI love you even more than I did beforebut darling, what can I do?" and I guess its the same with me and my women lover phase. I though I was over it, but the last few days I've been feeling like someone's missing. While cycling home, I feel like talking to someone, feel like calling up someone. But no matter whom I call, I never get any satisfaction. After just two minutes I want to hang up, but of course I can't.

Who is it or what is it that I am missing? I feel some sort of emptyness, but I am not sure if only the presence of a girlfriend would fill it. The more I think about it, the more I feel that a lot of my loves would have to remain solitary loves. The road I love to come home by for instance, is a really inspiring one and one of the best experiences of my day. Especially nowadays in the monsoon. It is surrounded by trees on both sides, and there is vast expanse of farmland on side of it which is completely green at this time of the year. But the road also serves as a toilet for the people of a nearby village and one can frequently encounter people squatting next to the road. I imagine this would be a turnoff for any girl, though for some reason it doesn't bother me. The way I see it, at least they're not throwing plastic and other non-biodegradable items and permanently polluting the place. What they're doing will only add to the greenery eventually.

My other love is travelling light. When I say travelling light, I mean travelling without the encumberances of a car/bike etc. I love to travel like that. Just go where my heart desires without having to worry about parking space, traffic, the exertion of driving etc. I love to travel on the mercy of the world at large. Hitching lifts, running after busses, using the occasional rickshaw. Don't think any girl will find this too appealing either.

Though a lot of my other loves could probably be shared like good movies, good food, music, exercising, cycling, exploring new places etc.